


Season 2 Episode 2: Blame is a heavy mantle

by Heligena



Series: Season 2 Drabbles [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4113178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heligena/pseuds/Heligena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok so here's my drabble for Season 2 Episode 2- a scene that snuck into my brain between Laf and Perry in the hallway after they leave Laura and Carmilla's room.</p>
<p>Actually made myself a little sad writing this one :)</p>
<p>Once again thanks for reading though</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season 2 Episode 2: Blame is a heavy mantle

“Perry, wait.”

Laf followed the curls bouncing in front of them as they left Laura and Carmilla’s room.  
The shower seemed to have calmed Perry down somewhat but the way her fingers had kept scratching at the skin on her forearms even as they sat quietly side by side told the scientist that it’d take more than some hot water to erase the memory of all that sticky, cloying blood.

“I’m so tired of this.”

“You’re right, you should get some rest. It’ll help.”

Perry turned to them eyes wild. “I don’t mean sleep. I mean this...stupid war.”

Laf blinked and Perry walked up to them, standing so close they were inches apart.

“And this is your doing!”

The smaller ginger swallowed hard as they fought to keep from taking a step away from their friend.

“You spent so long trying to convince me we were in the middle of a battle. Chipping away at all the arguments I put up about this place. Good, solid arguments. Wearing me down...”

Laf threw they’re hands up. “I was trying to keep you safe Per. Stop you from running headlong into anything dangerous without being prepared.”

In the dim lights of the hallway, Perry’s face looked weary, dark bags under her eyes barely illuminated by the shadows around them. But her eyes were wide and manic.

“And yes! Congratulations you were right. Big applause for Susan Lafontaine. But now that you’ve shown it to me, I can’t unsee it! Do you understand?!”

Her agitated expression faded a little though her eyes still shone with a glazed look. “You know what my Uncle taught me about war when he came back from Iraq? That glory is an illusion. And that it’s only the ones that have never fired a shot or heard the cries from the wounded that continue to cry for blood and vengeance.”

Laf didn’t know what to say. They’d never heard their friend talk about her father’s brother much. Hell, they’d figured he was a pretty absent figure given his extensive tours of the Middle East over the last decade. Of course, they’d known that Perry used to pray for him to come home safely, she’d done it secretly in the corner of the room even when they’d had their Monday night sleepovers but she’d never brought him up much in their conversations.  
So how the hell could she not have noticed how important he was to her best friend?

Struggling to keep up with the conversation, Laf ran a hand through a sheaf of hair.

“I...I’m sorry that you’re hurt Per. But I won’t apologise for trying to keep you out of harm’s way. I can’t. ”

Perry held her freshly scrubbed palms up, “Is that what this looks like to you? The results of being out of harm’s way?”  
Laf stared at the raw skin in front of them, heart sinking.

Unable to pick through the words clogging up their throat, they shook their head miserably instead.

And Perry simply stared at them, breathing raggedly for a moment before she finally picked up on Lafontaine’s anguish and her stance seemed to soften a little.

“Su...Lafontaine.”

Her roommate raised a chin as if waiting for the next blow and in some part of her Perry found she was almost impressed as she glanced down at them.

“I’m not...I’m not saying this is down to you. I know you would never hurt anyone if you can help it, it’s just...”

Her voice trailed off as she tried to explain the maelstrom of emotions coursing through her nervous system. “You were the one who forced me to look through the keyhole and now, it’s getting harder and harder to look away.”

“But...”

“I had all these moments, this wonderful patchwork of memories of being with you. Baking in my Mom’s kitchen and trying to clean the flour off the window latches. Fixing you up after you convinced yourself that you were going to be the first one to climb the Dragon Tree in the park and getting your foot stuck in its mouth.”

A momentary smile flashed across Laf’s face before they noticed Perry wasn’t wearing the same expression.

“And now...” they asked with a hint of trepidation.

“And now, in my head...it’s all muddled up. All I can associate you with is...feeling terrified. All the time. Every second. The smell of burning straw. And now...now the taste of blood.”

Laf shivered involuntarily as glassy eyes watched them respond to that. 

They knew somewhere inside that Perry wasn’t trying to be hurtful. That she was simply trying to work through everything in a logical, rational way, form some kind of order amidst chaos but it didn’t mean that every word coming from her mouth didn’t burn like acid.  
Eroding the edges of a soul she’d thought was shared with the girl in front of her.  
But apparently not, judging by the conflicted look on Perry’s wan face.

“I’m sorry,” the taller girl offered weakly.

Laf straightened up and put all their energy into nodding as compassionately as they could. Though vomiting on the worn carpeting felt a little more appropriate right now.

“I think, maybe I just need some time. To try and separate out everything that’s happened, you know?”

Laf froze. “What are you....”

“I’ll take one of the other empty rooms for the next few nights. Give us both some space to clear our heads.” Said Perry blankly.

“Jesus, I don’t need to clear my head Per, and how am I supposed to sleep not knowing if you’re safe or not?” argued Laf desperately.

Perry licked her lips and tried her best not to grimace at the tangy taste she could have sworn covered them.

“I’ll be fine.”

“At least stay with Laura....”

The taller girl shook her head immediately. “I’m not ready to be around her either. The two of you, you led us to...”

Cutting herself off Perry allowed herself a hint of a smile as she put a hand out and rested it gently on her friend’s shoulder.

“I’ll be ok. I’ll come by the room tomorrow and check in, ok?”

Laf didn’t move. Not even when Perry turned away from them and walked shakily down the hallway her hair shining for a moment in the passing lamplight before disappearing entirely.

Leaving Lafontaine standing there, homemade pitchfork resting heavily against one of their palms.


End file.
